“Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity.” -Og Mandino
Today, at this moment, I am at a fork in the road. Waiting for a phone call that will determine my very near future. The phone call that will tip the scale in my life design. All of the tools in my mental toolbox have been thrown into play. Through all of my breathing, yoga, reading, research, meditation- I still have nerves. This tells me that what will happen today is bigger than I can even imagine. My mind is fooling me and my body is trying to tell me something.
Last night I had a dream that a shadow figure was lighting me on fire. It chased me outside in the dark throwing fire at my torso, my arms, my legs.. I was engulfed in flames but I had the power to put them out with concentration. I had to stop running, focus on extinguishing the flames with my mind and continue. It was like a sick game but I won. I put out the last fire, uninjured and woke up in a hot sweat. Thankful for my kitties sleeping peacefully beside me, I grabbed Archie and nuzzled him. I could have cried. The fear in the dream so real and terrifying.
This morning when I woke up I nuzzled him again and started my day grateful to be alive, grateful for the light of day. I read the first scroll from “The Worlds Greatest Salesman” and listened to a motivational speech. In that speech were the words repeated back to me from the passage that I had just read.
This common occurrence spikes my curiosity as it has happened so often this year. As I read and research, those messages are relayed back to me through people, speeches, and in casual conversation. My heart becomes full because I see these as affirmations that I am indeed following the right life path. Kindness surrounds me and my family and friends interact with me with abundant love and care.
Yes, I still mess up and fail and procrastinate.
But these failures don’t have the same weight as they used to. I can bounce back quicker and build strategies to combat them. We must fall down in order to get back up growing taller and wiser than ever before. From these failures come breakthroughs.
I wanted to share this today so I can look back and feel this moment. It’s a place of unknown, anticipation, curiosity, courage.
Life has come full circle as I am nearing the end point of all I set out to achieve in my educational pursuit. At the end of today I’ll be able to see more clearly where I am headed but until then I can only live in the moment.
I just looked down and realized I grabbed a bracelet that I haven’t worn in over two years. I didn’t think while I chose it this morning but now I see it’s significance. Why today did it hop on my hand?